Maricruz chose to write her community profile about a good friend who happens to be gay. Much of what Maricruz writes about is rarely discussed in the classroom.  She says the purpose of her paper is to better inform our reading audience of real-life struggle in the gay community.  

 

Maricruz Silva Negrete

English 1A

Mr. Lewenstein

December 1, 2016

In or Out: Why Coming Out Is Just As Hard As Staying In

     “I’m afraid to tell her”, “what if she kicks me out of the house?’’. All these thoughts rushed through her mind as she felt the boiling blood in her body flow from her head down to her toes. She held her cellphone tight in her sweaty hand as she let out the words she’d been holding in her whole life come out of her mouth.” I’m gay”, she said and she felt the weight come off her shoulders, a weight she’d been carrying for 24 years, tears streamed down her eyes , feeling fresh as they touched her hot face. Silence took over for a brief moment as she waited for her mother to finally respond to the news, “ya lo sabia mija solo queria que confiaras en mi y me lo dijieras tu misma”. Her mother already knew this and just wanted her to trust her and tell her. Liz was finally coming out and had just done what she feared the most, telling her mom who she really is was the first step she took to accepting herself. As she tells me her story I can feel that she is relieved that she made the decision to come out and happiness radiates from her face, “I feel free”, she tells me.

    What should be done to reduce the amount of fear that we have about the gay lifestyle? If people are afraid of something they will most likely be against it. In fact, lack of knowledge about homosexuality leads us to make or have uninformed ideas about it. People let their culture, social, and religious influences affect their perspective on the gay lifestyle. We allow our cultural norms to repress anything that doesn’t fit in or goes against what we’ve grown to know as “right” or “correct”. As a society we should begin to accept our differences in order to create a safe environment for everyone. People should talk to members of the LGBT community if they have concerns about homosexuality so that they can get informed and change their negative attitudes.

     We’ve evolved throughout the centuries and have made incredible advances in technology as well as in our everyday lives. Everything is so accessible to us now that we take things for granted. How is it that we’ve changed through the years, yet we still can’t accept the fact that some people are homosexuals? What is so wrong about being gay? Our society needs to be more open to accept other people’s choices regardless if they’re different from their own.

      A society that degrades those that are “different” is what discourages most homosexuals from revealing their sexuality. They prefer to keep it to themselves because they don’t want to go through the criticism and negativity that people will give them. However, not coming out affects them in ways that could be avoided if we become understanding of their personal choices.

      Such effects on them include: anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem to name a few. They lose family members that might not agree with their lifestyle. Not having the support from the people they love is what restrains them from fully accepting their sexual orientation and they decide to hide it. This fear of being rejected shouldn’t be something that they should worry about in our current society. Everything keeps changing and its time the fear towards the gay lifestyle changes as well.

      It’s not easy to discuss the subject of coming out into the society as gay when I have never experienced it. What would I know about that feeling? I had to find someone that has been through that difficult moment, that person is my friend Liz, she is one of the many gay people that at some point in their lives have to explain to someone their sexual orientation. She agreed to tell me her personal coming out story, so I can better understand what went through her mind that day.

       Liz was never much of a “girly girl” when she grew up, instead she was into sports and always wanted to play with the boys. At a young age she felt that she was different and wasn’t the same as the other girls. Although she tried to act more feminine, Liz felt like an outsider and felt like she couldn’t fit in. She clearly remembers her mom always telling her, “you better not be gay”, and how was this supposed to make her feel? Her mother rejected the idea that her daughter could be gay, so instead Liz would insist that she wasn’t gay, she was just a tomboy Liz would tell her.

       She’s twenty five years old now, and just last year she finally came out to her family. It took her all these years to earn up the courage to finally say, “I’m gay”, two words that are short , yet hold so much fear and are able to affect her life for better or worse. Her dad was always very supportive of what she wanted to do, so she felt comfortable enough to tell him. Just as she though, he was happy for her and told her that being gay didn’t change the love he had for her, “this doesn’t change anything”, he said to her and she felt relieved.

       All she needed to do now was tell her mother, this was the hardest part for her, and she decided to do it through the phone. Liz felt that if she tried to tell her in person she wouldn’t be able to make out the words and instead would break down in tears.

      Her heart was beating so fast she could hear her pulse beating in her head and felt nervous, anxious, but mostly afraid. Afraid of what her mom would say or what if she stopped talking to her. Liz told her and then they both cried through the phone for a while. Her mother accepts her and realized that being gay wasn’t a bad thing after all because Liz is happy. “I can be myself now and don’t have to hide or pretend that I’m gay”, Liz said with a smile on her face.

       I cannot argue that everyone is entitled to have their own opinions and beliefs on certain subjects. Many people believe that being gay is the result of being mentally ill. They claim it’s a result of an inability to deal with reality. Although, same-sex marriage has become legal in all 50 states, homosexuals are still targets of hate crimes because of their sexuality.

      But to me. This issue’s roots come from the way we’ve been raised. We’ve been taught to repress what we don’t like. There is no in between either we’re with something or against it. Some people’s religious beliefs may teach them that being gay is a sin, but isn’t hate a sin too? Empathy and equality should be advocated at home and at schools. This could have a great impact in our society and integrate everyone in our community.

      It doesn’t take much to change the situation, the results will please both sides. We’ll have a safe environment in which everyone will feel comfortable enough to be who they are without fear of repercussions.

Works Cited

Esseks, James.” Gay Marriage is Legal, but We’re Still not Equal.” The Daily Beast

            Sep 08 2015. Print.

Lang, Nico. “Being Transgender isn’t a mental illness, what’s sick is a society that treats   it that way.” Los Angeles Times. June 28 2016. Print.

Simmons, M Ann. “Where the world stands on gay rights.” Los Angeles Times. June 21 2016. Print.